Kindness toward the children

Abu Hurayrah may Allaah be pleased with him narrated: “Once the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) and I went out during the day. While on the journey, he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) did not talk to me and I did not talk to him. When we reached the market of Bani Qaynuqaa’, he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) sat in the front-yard of Faatimah's house and asked: 'Is Luka’ home? (i.e., 'the small boy' - his grandson Al-Hasan)' But Faatimah may Allaah be pleased with her kept the boy inside for a while. I thought she was either changing his clothes or giving him a bath. After a while, the boy came out running and the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) embraced him and kissed him on the mouth; then he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: 'O Allaah! Love him, and love whoever loves him.'" [Al-Bukhaari & Muslim] In other narrations of this incident, Al-Hasan may Allaah be pleased with him came out walking quickly and jumped into the lap of the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) who had his arms extended towards him, and who then hugged and kissed him.

Abu Hurayrah may Allaah be pleased with him said: “After I heard the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) saying this, there was nobody that I loved more than Al-Hasan.” He may Allaah be pleased with him also said: “It is never that I saw Al-Hasan after having heard this, except that I cried.”

The saying of Abu Hurayrah may Allaah be pleased with him: “…He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) did not talk to me…” was probably due to the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) being busy thinking about something, or being inspired, or receiving revelation at the time.

As for his saying: “…and I did not talk to him…” is due to him may Allaah be pleased with him glorifying and honouring the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ); this was the practice of the Companions may Allaah be pleased with them whenever they would see the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) silent.

This narration is a reflection of how great the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) was, due to his coming to visit this child, which illustrated the love and mercy that he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) had for him. This was despite the great responsibilities he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) had as a leader of the entire Nation and the fact that he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) was busy being a guardian over their affairs, the custodian of their treasury, or Bayt Al-Maal, the dispatcher of the Muslim armies and the teacher and preacher to all the Muslims. Moreover, he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) was also receiving revelation from his Lord and contemplating over what happened to the previous nations who disobeyed Him.

Despite all this, he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) did not forget in the midst of all these tasks and responsibilities to check on his grandchild and try to bring joy to him, as well as checking on his daughter and son-in-law. He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) sat in front of the house waiting for his grandchild to come out, and extended his arms towards him when he did so; he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) hugged and kissed him, and this love was reflected and reciprocated by the reaction of the child who walked quickly and jumped into the lap of the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ).

Another narration that reflects the kindness that the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) had for children is that which is narrated by Anas Ibn Maalik may Allaah be pleased with him who said: “I never saw anyone kinder and more merciful with children than the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ). His son, Ibraaheem, would breastfeed from a woman in the ‘Awaali area of Madeenah; he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) used to go and visit him and we would accompany him. He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) used to enter the house in which Ibraaheem was and find him with some splashes of the milk that he had drunk, on his face; he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) would pick him up and kiss him.” ‘Amr may Allaah be pleased with him who was one of the Companions accompanying the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) in his visits, said: “After the death of Ibraaheem, the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said: 'Ibraaheem is my son and he died whilst in the age of breastfeeding; he will have two women breastfeeding him in Paradise until he concludes the age of breastfeeding.'” [Muslim]

This narration reflects the noble manners of the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) and his kindness to children. It also highlights the virtue of being merciful with children and kissing them.

Ibraaheem may Allaah be pleased with him died when he was sixteen or seventeen months old, which is why the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) said that he died whilst at the age of breastfeeding, because the complete breastfeeding term is usually two full years, as mentioned in the Quran.

Many of those who are busy with worldly affairs or matters related to the religion are thereby deprived of other matters; they are busy teaching or leading others, or attaining wealth, and are thereby deprived from kissing their children, playing with them, and cultivating them properly. No matter how busy a person claims to be, it is impossible that he is busier than the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) was, who had time for this despite his numerous and great responsibilities. The propagators of Islaam, and others in general, have a duty towards their families and kinsfolk which they must fulfil, despite their responsibilities.

A child has a very special position in the Islamic community, and he should get the required attention and care which will make him grow up balanced and well mannered.

Unlike what some may believe, possessing manhood, dignity and honour does not contradict caring for and playing with children. This is reflected in the narration of Abu Hurayrah may Allaah be pleased with him who said: “The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) kissed Al-Hasan once while Al-Aqra’ Ibn Haabis was sitting with him, so Al-Aqra’ said, `I have ten children; never did I kiss any of them.` The Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) therefore looked at him and said: 'Allaah will not be merciful with the one who is not merciful to others. '” [Al-Bukhaari]

A person who works as a preacher in a prison in a western country said that an imprisoned drug addict once informed him that he would always stub out his cigarette on his child’s body, until he killed the child. This is truly an ugly face of the west that is reflected by this story; what kind of civilisation do they have? What benefit did they gain from their technology when their communities are overwhelmed with immorality, lack of faith, and children who are murdered and tortured like animals? This has become such a widespread phenomenon that there are now designated telephone numbers for children to call and seek help and protection if their parents harm or torture them.

But who are these children seeking protection from? It is from their own parents, who torture them in such a barbaric manner that it shatters the feelings of those who only get to hear about it.

A true believer should take lessons from the Names of Allaah; one of His Names is the All-Merciful, so a believer should strive to be merciful. Another of His Names is the Compassionate, so a believer should work hard to be compassionate and kind to others, especially his children.

The father’s love for his children should not be buried under his load of work, or his numerous tasks; on the contrary, he should express his love and kindness to them and strive to cultivate them properly.

Daughters in Islaam -II

The fruit of raising daughters righteously is reward in this life before reward in the Hereafter; this is proved by the fact that Allaah rewarded the righteous man who raised his two daughters virtuously, the result being Him facilitating the marriage of one of them to the honourable Prophet Moosaa may Allaah exalt his mention.

The Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam would express his love for his daughters by, for example, making statements like “(My daughter) Faatimah is a part of me, so whoever angers her angers me.” (Al-Bukhaari & Muslim)

‘Aa'ishah may Allaah be pleased with her recounted that Faatimah may Allaah be pleased with her once came walking in a manner identical to that of the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam; When she arrived, he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) stood up and exclaimed: “Welcome, my daughter!” Then, he seated her to his side and whispered into her ear, and what he had said caused her to cry; then, he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) then whispered to her again, and she laughed. 'Aa'ishah may Allaah be pleased with her later asked her: "What made you weep and then laugh?" She may Allaah be pleased with her replied: "I will never expose a secret that the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) entrusted me with." After the death of the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) 'Aa'ishah may Allaah be pleased with her asked her the same questions again, so she answered: "First, he informed me that his death was near, so I cried. After that, he told me that I will be the leader of the ladies of Paradise, so I laughed." (Al-Bukhaari & Muslim)

‘Aa'ishah may Allaah be pleased with her said: “I have not seen anyone closer in physical appearance and character to the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) than his daughter Faatimah may Allaah be pleased with her … Whenever she would enter into his presence, he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) would stand up and seat her in his place, and whenever he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) would enter into her presence, she would stand up, kiss him, and seat him in her place.”

This is how he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) cared for his daughters. Zaynab may Allaah be pleased with her who was another daughter of the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) sent for him due to her child being close to death, but the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) sent the messenger back to her, telling him to tell her: "Whatever Allaah takes away or gives, belongs to Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term (in this world); and she should therefore be patient and anticipate Allaah's reward.'' She sent for him again, pleading with him for the sake of Allaah to come. Therefore, the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) went, accompanied by Sa`d bin `Ubaadah, Mu`aath bin Jabal, Ubayy bin Ka`b, Zayd bin Thaabit and others may Allaah be pleased with them. The child was lifted up to the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) while breathing heavily, in the last moments before his death. Upon seeing this, the eyes of the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam streamed with tears as a result of compassion that Allaah had placed in his heart. Due to this, Allaah caused the boy to be cured, as Imaam Ibn Hajar may Allaah have mercy upon him stated.

The Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam would carry Umaamah may Allaah be pleased with her during prayer whilst standing, and place her on the ground before prostrating. (Al-Bukhaari)

Once, Faatimah may Allaah be pleased with her complained to him sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) about suffering due to strenuous housework, and that it was causing her hands to roughen and develop marks; he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) therefore taught her to mention Allaah before going to bed by uttering 'Subhaan-Allaah' (i.e., glory be to Allaah) and 'Al-Hamdulillaah' (i.e., all praise be to Allaah) thirty-three times each, and thirty-four times 'Allaahu Akbar' (i.e., Allaah is the Greatest); he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) told her that this would be better for her than the assistance of a servant.

Also, when the family of Abu Jahl requested ‘Ali may Allaah be pleased with him to marry their daughter, he sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) refused and said: “Never will the daughter of the messenger of Allaah and the daughter of the enemy of Allaah be under (the guardianship of) one man. Faatimah is a part of me, and whoever saddens her has harmed me.” He sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) later stood up and explained to the people that he was not making unlawful what Allaah made lawful, nor was he forbidding polygamy, but rather, he did what he did due to Faatimah being the daughter of a messenger, which is a special case, since no one is permitted to harm the Messenger sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ).

Faatimah may Allaah be pleased with her was courageous and proud of Islam. In the incident when her father sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) was praying in front of the Ka’bah and the disbelievers placed the guts of a camel on his head whilst he was prostrating and then laughed and mocked him, it was she may Allaah be pleased with her who came, by herself, and screamed at the disbelievers and then removed the guts. (Muslim)

This is how the life of the Prophet sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) was regarding dealing with his daughters, so let us make it a guideline by which we live.

Some people are truly hardhearted, to the point that they do not express any emotions toward their children. It is a disaster when a daughter is raised in such an emotional vacuum, because it is easy for any evil person to then affect her with his deceptive words and entice her into his trap, and this is how the calamity of fornication occurs. This is why we need to pay close attention to the issue of daughters and grant them their due consideration, especially when we live in an era where everything evil is available and within reach.

It is indeed a great responsibility to satiate the emotions of our daughters with the love they need from the hearts of their merciful fathers, lest evil men do this instead to achieve their vile objectives.

We must also give the same level of attention to our sons in this regard, because the problems we hear regarding our young men are due to the negligence of their parents. What is our role? It is, as Allaah says (what means): “O you who have believed! Protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allaah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.” [Quran 66: 6] We must soften their hearts with a warm smile whenever we see them, and speak to them with merciful words.

If we do not pay attention to this issue, a day will come when our communities will be just like the immoral and dissolute ones.

A British survey of two thousand fathers found that: “Forty-percent (40%) of fathers feel lonely and depressed. They miss their sons, but miss their daughters a lot more.”

Some contemporary hypocrites who write in newspapers and magazines state that our daughters do not need guardians. They oppose to the Law of Allaah in general, and specifically the ruling that prohibits intermixing between men and women; they demand that women leave their homes and 'prove their ability'. Why do these hypocrites wish to eradicate our honour? This mandates even more care and attention towards our daughters; we must raise them upon obedience to Allaah and His messenger sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam ( may Allaah exalt his mention ) and upon adherence to the Hijaab; we must not wait till they reach the age of puberty to instruct them wear it, because it might then be too late for them to accept it.

Some parents allow their daughters to wear dresses that are revealing and which leave them naked, or almost naked, and this is a far cry from correct cultivation. It is not a reflection of love or mercy to our daughters to allow them to have their own mobile phone, or to have a satellite receiver in their rooms. It is not a sign of love or mercy to allow them to go to places where immorality is spread, or to parties, or salons where they pluck their eyebrows, adorn themselves and then go out like that.

We must convince our daughters that these matters are prohibited and that they must refrain from doing them, but in order to convince them, they must experience our love and see it in our dealings with them.